Cleaning out the Car

Every three months the vehicle is waxed. The interior needs to be vacuumed at least once a month, and if you even think of opening a can of soda, or a snack you must put your head out the window.

Mountain bike, tent, surfboard and rollerblades clutter

the back of my car. I might have a few hobbies.

I'm not like my friend. 

The car is washed when the rain doesn't do a good enough job getting the dirt and mud off it. I only vacuum when there is more dirt and sand inside my car than on the beach.

Chris and I joke about our cars being the basement of our apartment. Therefore, we have a ton and a half of junk (ahem, very useful items) in our cars.

Need a change of clothes? Got it.

Water or Gatorade? Got it.

An air compressor? Got it.

Want to take an impromptu bike ride? We can do that.

I'm basically ready for any event, disaster, softball game, or camping trip.

Inside my car is a mountain bike, softball bag, roller blades, hockey stick, ski boots, empty soda bottles, three pairs of shoes and the hoodie I've spent the last three weeks looking for.

In about three weeks skis and a snowboard will also be added to the back of my car. The bike might come out, and if I'm feeling really motivated I might take my car through the car wash. Maybe.

The mess doesn't bother me. I know it's weird, but it doesn't. It might be a Jeep thing.

When my friends asked if I could pick them up from the airport I said it would not be a problem. Picking them up is not a problem. Cleaning out my car is.

My car is driven only by me, and I rarely have a second person in it, therefore it is a mess. It is such a mess, that even the messiest person in the world has a desire to organize my car upon entry.

Now that I'm 25, I should probably take on some more responsibility in my life. Keeping my car clean seems like a good place to start.

I've changed my mind. I'll do it when I'm 26. For now, I'll just move the stuff around so people have a place to sit.

Halloween Costume Search

Halloween is my favorite time of year. Mostly because it's two days after my birthday so not only do I have thirty pounds of candy, I also have presents. It's way better than Christmas.

Besides celebrating my birthday, I love creating costumes for this amazing holiday. Most of my costumes need to be pieced together or made (usually by my Mom). Every year I need to explain what I am, and every year someone says I don't get it.

Good, you're not supposed to get it. Well, you are, but that's not the point. The point is I don't like to the generic princess for Halloween.

In the past I have been (the ones I remember anyway):

A tree (leaves glued to a paper bag)
A gorilla (I was the warmest kid in the neighborhood. To bad no one knew what I was)
Timon, from Lion King
Clark Kent (No, not Superman. What a wimp, getting taken down by Kryptonite)
Steve Yzerman (This one I did twice, both times it was a hit. Easiest costume ever)
My American Girl Doll (we wore jeans and a T-shirt)
White Trash (white trash bag with trash taped to me)
Walking Dead (dressed in black, had fantastic face paint and a tombstone attached to me)

There were also the generic buy them from the store costumes:
Genie from Aladdin (Abu wasn't an option)
An M&M
Cat in the Hat

Good costumes, but not nearly as fun as the ones mention previously. Or even what I'm going as this year.

This year I get to carry two swords. It's my birthday, I can do what I want, and I want two swords.

This has been a tough year trying to decide what to do for Halloween. I was originally going to go as Tonks from "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." I wanted to carry my knife sharpener as a wand.

Then we had the idea to go as the cast from a British TV show, "IT Crowd." That fell through, as a key member decided to go as something else. (It wasn't me)

Then I was going to go as a Hipster Hunter, but it was pointed out I would probably end up in jail as I trapped most of the Seattle population in a fish net.

So I am now going as Fruit Ninja. Chris is dressing as a banana, if we can ever find a banana two days before we need it. And as Fruit Ninja I get to chase him around Seattle, with swords.

I have a feeling the swords are going to be taken away very quickly.

Happy Halloween everyone!

When Mo Begins a Project

My favorite book in the world is If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.

If you're not familiar with it, it goes something like this: If you give a mouse of cookie he will want a glass of milk to go with it. It's a book where one action causes a chain reaction of events. If I learned anything from it, it's this: don't start a project unless you're willing to paint the house.

I should have kept that in mind today. All I wanted to do was find my swim goggles. I moved the golf clubs out of the bedroom so I could search the floor. That caused me to move the bed, then the dressers, then I had to move the old TV out of the room. I am now climbing over it in the hallway.

I've then stacked, packed and moved all of the clutter we've acquired in the last couple weeks, months, years, in boxes and bags.

Don't worry all of Husband's things have been kept together, so he can decide where to place them.

I have since been desk hunting so I no longer have to write on the couch, and can be a tad more productive.

To fit a desk in the room, I now need a shelf to hold the miscellaneous items that were on the TV, dressers, and Tupperware container, acting as a night table.

Chris is out of town for a couple days, and I'm thinking I'm not going to be allowed to be left alone again. If Mo starts a project, she's going to rearrange the apartment.



School Bullying,The Zebra Concept

In the animal food pyramid, lions are sitting nice and pretty on top. Lions are feared by the other animals who know they will end up on the lions’ menu at some point that week.

Lions are attractive beasts, one of the favorites at the zoo and in the wild. They ooze self-confidence, without a care in the world. Dress them in name brands, style their manes a bit, and you have the kids that make everyone’s lives miserable. The popular kids.

Let’s be honest for a second. Middle and high school is a concentrated safari. It is the epitome of Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest.  You don’t have to be the fastest zebra; you just can’t be the zebra being eaten.

Think about it. When a lion captures a zebra and is about to eat it, do the other zebras help it? No.

Why? Because they don’t want to be eaten either. By not drawing attention to yourself you can make it past lion dinner time undetected.

As long as the lion is going after another zebra, all the other zebras are safe. They are secretly thrilled someone else has taken the fall so they will not be targeted.

It’s not just in the safari, it’s in schools too. This is why, when adults ask the student being bullied if anyone steps in to help, the answer is almost always no.

By speaking up it puts a target on your back and you become dinner for the lion. He is more than happy to make your life miserable, because if you are miserable and hated by all, then he is not. And a bully is created.  

Bullying in schools is not going to stop. It’s been happening since caveman days. People find the weaker people to pick on. It happens in schools, it happens in the real world, it happens in the grocery store. People are mean.

So, what to do about it?

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold made headlines on April 20, 1999 when they took matters into their own hands and opened fire on their classmates at Columbine High School. It was a tragic event, but it was the first time parents, teachers, and schools made anti-bullying an important issue in schools.

They’ve failed.

I was in sixth grade when Columbine made headlines. Teachers pleaded with us to come to them if we were ever bullied.

I’m sure the teachers meant well, but by telling a teacher you’re setting yourself up to be the lions’ next meal. As soon as you narc, your troubles increase by a million. Ask any student, and they will tell you it’s better to suffer silently then deal with the consequences of telling.

Schools paraded their new rules and punishments if students bullied one another. Students signed pledges, promising they would not bully or tease their classmates, and would stop people from bullying others.

It’s not working.

At least four teenagers in 2011committed suicide because they could not take the bullying anymore.  Were the bullies punished? No.

Insert gasps of shock here. Schools are supposed to be safe places for children, there should not be bullying. 

To you I say wake up.

Say what you want about bullies placing their insecurities and anger on other students. Or say bullies pick on the person they are the most intimidated by. You say bullies are more insecure than you.

Say it until it makes you feel better, because that doesn’t change how bullies are perceived.

You don’t see bullies committing suicide because they cannot face another day at school. You don’t see bullies sitting alone at the lunch table, or in the bathroom trying to wash their lunch off their shirt.

Bullies don’t wear the stereotypical chains, piercings, tattoos, and odd clothing the Disney Channel, cartoons, and other shows depict.

 You see bullies wearing the right clothes, with friends laughing and joking. You see students who are confident, and like to tease people. All in good fun, of course. I bet you wouldn’t be able to pick a bully out of a line up.

Unfortunately, school bullying comes down to teachers. As much good as teachers do, they can’t be everywhere. They don’t see the shove into the locker, the written notes of hatred passed in class. They don’t see the lunch being stolen, or the body slam in gym class. They don’t hear the whispers in the hallways. They don’t see what happens on the bus or on the walk home.

Adults don't see the text messages, the Twitter and Facebook posts. You try, but you can't see what is happening to your child or students.

Teachers are people too, and they can’t see everything, they’re not Superman, but that doesn’t stop them from trying.

 Jay McDowell, of Pioneer High School in Ann Arbor, Mich. made headlines in November of 2010, when he asked a student to leave the classroom after the student made inappropriate comments about gays. The school district suspended the teacher.

Yeah, you heard that right. The teacher was suspended for making a student leave the classroom because of inappropriate comments.

There is a great message to send to students. We want you to speak up, and tell us you’re being bullied, and then not only will the bully not receive punishment, but we will also punish a teacher,for doing the right thing.

Can you tell me why that makes sense? Take your time. I’ll wait.

Schools say they are doing something about it. Parents, who lost their children to suicide, say it’s not enough.

How do you punish a student when the instant claim is, “I was joking.” The bully’s parents are going to defend their child, saying, "he's not capable of it." 

Oh, if only every child was as perfect as their parents believed they were.  

I completely understand why someone would commit suicide rather than face another day at school. I also know how horrible it is to know someone who committed suicide and wishing there was something you could have done to help them.

According to NBC News, in September of 2011, a school in Buffalo, N.Y. played a song at the homecoming dance, in remembrance of a 14-year-old student who committed suicide. His sister and friends began chanting his name to the beat of the song. The students who tormented the student, literally to death, also joined in the chant.

Only, instead of chanting his name, they chanted, “You’re better off dead!” and “We’re glad you’re dead!” and things like that. There was nothing reported about a punishment to the students.

And this is where schools fail children. You cannot allow this behavior to happen. Where were the teachers? The chaperones? Anyone?

Allowing this behavior to happen, and if you don't interfere, you are allowing it, is what is driving children to take matters into their own hands. Students, as well as teachers need to step up and say something.

You can't say you didn't know about it, because ABC News knows about it. The world knows about it.

I understand bullying is as much a part of life as a lion eating a zebra. It happens, but there is a difference between observing the food chain, and being mean.

Lions will not stop eating zebras, but people can stop being mean to each other. I think we’re smart enough to be able to at least tolerate each other.

You don’t have to like everyone, you don’t have to respect everyone, but you do have to be polite to everyone.

Things I Don't Understand

The world is a confusing place. It's becoming more and more confusing every year. People call it a decline of civilization; I call it annoying. Civilization is not declining, the stupid people are just being louder than the sane ones.

Let's be real for about thirty seconds, shall we?

The world is not going to end on Oct. 21 like it was supposed to back in August, or whatever month it was. The world is not going to end on Dec. 21, 2012.

What I don't understand, is how people can believe it will. It's like Y2K on steroids. If you're that paranoid give me all your possessions, money, and whatever else you won' need when the world ends. I'll keep it safe.

Right, moving on.

Here are the other things I don't understand:

• What happened to food and beverage small sizes? Why do I need an Icee that weighs more than me?
• We are not fat because of the sizing, we are fat because we think it's okay to drink an entire 480 oz Icee in one sitting. 
• Why high school and middle school students are on Facebook. You spent all day with your friends, then you go home and go on the computer to talk with them? Why not just hang out with each other in the same house?
• Why did the Jetsons have a robot maid?
• We have vacuums in the wall to suck up dirt.
• Their meals were a pill. No cooking involved.  
• How do people who never really go outside ever bring dirt into the space house?
• What did Jane Jetson do all day? Donna Reed, and June Cleaver baked. But you never see Jane ever do anything.
• When did 'hahahaha" become a conversation? I'm looking at you high school students.  The conversation goes like this:
• Hahaha I just failed my math test, hahahaha (Someone's name) is a dork hahaha jk hahaha lol
• Someone will reply: hahaha thts funny hahhaha jk rofl
• hahaha i kno hahahahaha
• Then the kid who was called a dork or whatever name comes on and says hahahaha no im not hahahaha
• and it continues, 108 times of someone just typing hahahaha.
• I doubt you really are laughing. 
• If I was an English teacher I would be crying. I wonder if that's how they punctuate their papers?
• Why does summer fly by but the four months of winter last forever?
• NFL wide receiver Donte Stallworth runs over a pedestrian with his car, killing him. NFL wide receiver Plaxico Burress takes a gun into a New York club, and shoots himself in the leg. Literally, and figuratively. Stallworth gets 30 days in jail, Burress gets 2 years.
• I would think killing someone with your car would go for a bit higher than a month. And shooting yourself in the leg? If you're that stupid to put a gun in your pants, and shoot yourself in the leg, no amount of jail time is going to make you smarter.
• Why aren't NFL wide receivers assigned baby sitters?
• Is there a group of men out there dumber than wide receivers?
• What is the goal of the "Occupy Wall Street" protesters?
• Do they have a goal?
• An objective?
• Anything?
• They're just taking up space complaining about.....
• I wonder if they started protesting because they felt left out as protest heat up in the Middle East and northern Africa?
• Why can't a size 8 in Nike be the same size 8 in Adidas?
• Why aren't people nicer on Internet forums?
• I doubt you would call another person a nigger, faggot, dyke, homo, retard, or anything else to their face. I doubt you would threaten them. Unless, you're a jerk.
• Why must people hide behind aliases like jimbeam83728 and go on hateful ramblings about political topics, or recaps of sporting events?
• If you are angry, stay off the computer.
• If you wouldn't say it in real life, face to face, don't say it on the Internet.
• Do Tom and Jerry, Wile E. Coyote and The Roadrunner ever become friends?
• I'm sad people thought cartoon animals with endless supplies of dynamite were thought to be violent.
• I'm sad the cartoons were pulled from TV before we ever find out if they move past their differences.
• Why are people so quick to call others: fag, gay, homo, queer, whatever.
• Why is someone's sexual orientation a put down?
• Four teenagers took their lives last year because of the taunting, bullying, and name calling they received for being gay.
• It's hard enough to have to go through that once, but four times?
• That is a crisis.
• Who came up with the name, "Tater-Tots?"
• Why does no one speak up and tell other people to be nice?
• The holocaust started because a maniac received power and demanded those different from himself, especially those of the Jewish faith, to be killed.
• The holocaust happened because no one stood up and said it was wrong.
• Why are we still not speaking up and saying people are behaving wrongly.
• I thought the peer pressure would stop after high school, college at the latest. My mistake.
• Were T-Rexes angry because his arms were to short to give/receive hugs?
• Maybe they didn't want to eat the other dinosaurs, maybe they just wanted a hug.
• Why did the phrase, "Please refrain from talking," that used to cause your agitator to shut up like he/she ate super glue, no longer work in the real world?
• Could you imagine going up to a politician like Michele Bachmann and tell her to, "please refrain from talking?"
• She would probably just laugh at you.
• If she did listen you would be a hero
• I miss elementary school where that was effective.
• I also miss threatening to tell. What a magical phrase that was.
• Why are pro sports (with the exception of football) seasons so long?
• Why is something called instant when I have to add water and wait three minutes?
• Why do churches teach hate and intolerance instead of love and acceptance?
• The church I was raised in had me going to hell by the time I hit third grade.
• That can really mess with a kid's psyche.
• Who named a baby kangaroo, Joey?
• Why are bathrooms in America referred to as John, but "Lou" in England?
• What am I getting for my birthday?

Off to Neverland!

As an adult you never really grow up, you just learn how to act in public. You learn it's not cool to begin screaming and crying at the table when your burger doesn't have the proper amount of pickles. You also tolerate sharing crayons and will sit in your seat; even if you really want to play tag around the restaurant table.

Some things you just have to do to belong in public.

My friend has a theory that there is an age we never really grow out of. Yes, we grow taller, and improve our vocabulary. We begin paying attention to Wall Street instead of Sesame Street, and our day is not destroyed when someone else eats the last of the graham crackers. But there is an age we will always identify with.

I'm five.

I'd rather watch The Muppets, Sesame Street, and Looney Tunes, than prime time drama shows.

I can't tell you why Democrats and Republicans are fighting or what about, but I can tell you why Tom and Jerry, The Roadrunner and Wile. E. Coyote are having issues.

 When we go to dinner I want crayons and the menu I can color. How often I request the coloring materials depends on who I'm having dinner with.

Eating with friends and their four and two year old children?

CRAYONS!

Eating at a nice restaurant?

Act like I know how to be an adult. (LAME!)

The problem with being five, or a child trapped in an adult body is I often get the small children in trouble.

Most adults who are kicked under the table by a child's legs would request the child to stop. I pull off the child's shoe.

Is the child bopping me in the back? Again, most people would say stop. I throw the child upside down.

The way I try to solve the problem, might be leading to more problems for those around us.

Yes, my husband and the child's parents spend most dinners or outings telling us to knock it off, and trying to put us in timeout.

Oops. Sorry.

I might need to work on being an adult and not getting the child wound up. But let's be honest, it's way more fun to play around then behave. Everyone knows that.

But here's the thing, James M. Barrie created an empire surrounded by the concept of not wanting to grow up. Peter Pan is still finding his way into theatres, books, and Halloween more than a hundred years after his creation.

Who doesn't love the concept of Neverland? No bills, no responsibility, you get to live in a tree house! What person at some point in their life didn't want to do that?

I just want to play. Simple as that, and if finding Neverland allows me to do that. Then you'll find me in Neverland. I know it cannot be found on a map, it needs to be found elsewhere. And I've found it in my inability to grow up.

Life is fun, and it only lasts about 80 to 90 years so why should I spend time stressing about boring stuff like matching socks or a million servings of vegetables?

I understand that there are times when I cannot be the big kid, I have to be a lame adult. I'm thinking to keep myself of being sent to the car during the next dinner I need to find that balance.

The Microsoft Wife, What I've learned

In my last post I went on a nice long rant about the interview question: Tell me about yourself.

That's all fine and dandy, but someone made the point that I'm getting off topic of my blog. I know I started this to share the trials and tribulations of being an adult, and on the occasion enlighten people what it's like to be married to someone that works at one of the most well known companies in the world.

I get off topic, and I use this blog to rant, rave, and hopefully entertain. It's my blog and I can do as I please. And I will.

BUT I do enjoy receiving feedback, so feel free to post comments or do as my friend did and text me.

So after a year of being a Microsoft Wife, this is what I've learned (in no particular order):

• Make sure there is nothing under the stove burner, it will catch fire
• People actually play World of Warcraft and Dungeon and Dragons
• This is not something that is made up for TV or nerd jokes. The games actually exist
• They will make up acronyms to make it sound cooler.
• WOW
• D&D
• It doesn't work
• Just because your husband works at Microsoft does not mean you have built in tech support
• Always hang onto the vacuum filter when you're smacking it against a garbage dumpster
• You will be mocked for wanting anything made by the company 500 miles south of Seattle. It starts with App and ends with le.
• You will have a Zune instead of an iPod
•  They are not the same.
• Your TV will actually be a computer
• Your Xbox will also work as a tuner for TV
• You know what tuners are
• You also know way more about computers than you ever thought possible
• You learn there are TV shows for computer nerds
• You find out you like those TV shows
• IT Crowd
• Big Bang Theory
• Numb3rs (I don't like this show, I count knowing it exists as a win)
• There is a difference between nerds and geeks
• You will try to convince everyone you know Bing is better than Google
• It really is
• Your phone has a longer name than you do
• Maureen Diehl v. Windows Phone Seven
• Abbreviating Windows as Win does not make it sound cooler
• At some point during every dinner you will realize a hamster on a wheel does not power your computer
• It's a very sad realization
• There is more to Microsoft than Word, PowerPoint, and Excel
• Excel is still poopy
• People recognize Excel is poopy but do little to nothing to fix it
• People do not like to hear Excel is poopy when they are on the team to do whatever it is they do
• Ask what people do at Microsoft when you're at a Microsoft event
• This prevents you from making fun of Excel in front of one of its programmers
• You learn computer nerds are terrified of humans and just want you to go away and stop apologizing for making fun of Excel
• Talking will scare computer nerds
• As will:
• Quick movements
• Being a female
• Being within thirty yards of them
• Reaching across them to grab the ketchup
• Being a female
• Interrupting their story about something
• Listening to their story about something
• Being a female
• Telling them Zombies do not exist. Yet
• Telling them World of Warcraft and Dungeons and Dragons are not actual places, and do not exist, and will never exist. Poor guy.
• Being a female
• I'm tired of making a list EVERYTHING SCARES THEM
• Always lock your front door
• Know how to work a key and lock
• Do not use pliers to force a key to lock
• Do not let your husband know you used pliers to force a key in a lock
• Know where the tool box is
• Know where the fire extinguisher is
• Laugh
• Microsoft has all the pop aka soda you can drink
• Everyone in Seattle works for Microsoft, or is somehow connected to Microsoft
• Unless they work for Boeing, Starbucks, or a start up company
• Seattle has fantastic beer
• You will consume a lot of beer when people begin talking about computers
• Always carry your ID
• The nicest people I've met are computer nerds and their spouses

Tell Me About Yourself

Eighty-two years later the top hat wearing monkeys that danced to the Accordion Grinder's music monkeys are still trying to find jobs. The economy collapsed in 1929, and those monkeys are still trying to get their jobs back.

I refuse to be one of those monkeys. Mostly because I can't dance, and my head is to small to wear a top hat.

I am three days away from buying poster board, markers and a fantastic hat and standing on the street corner demanding someone hire me.

 And not as a prostitute.

I will work at Starbucks before I become a street walker.

I've done the job applying thing for several months now. I've gotten pretty good at cranking out resumes, and cover letters. I've emailed, mailed, hand delivered, and filled out more online applications than I can count.

All I need now is the interview. The interview with the question you can always count on. Every single time. You will always be asked this simple question.

Tell me about yourself.

People love to talk about themselves. Listen, and I mean really listen to a conversation and you'll see person A will be telling a story and person B will immediately jump in with an anecdote of something similar happening to them.

You have no problem talking about yourself until you're in an interview. You then realize what a horrible person you really are.

Tell me about yourself.

I can quote Monty Python movies, make cultural references, and keep up with two simultaneous conversations. I have a high source of energy, up for anything, easy going personality. I think Fruit Ninja would be a fantastic game to play with real swords and fruit. I have a blue collar work ethic that built Detroit. I get the job done.

So, tell me about yourself.

I'm twenty-four. I'm a ski bum. I'm a struggling artist who is watching my industry get taken over by computer robots. The robots can write a AP article in twenty seconds, a solid journalist takes thirty minutes. Twenty if it's sports.

I cannot juggle fire. Fire scares me, and I can't juggle, unless you would like me to multi task. I am excellent at working on up to four projects at once.

Tell me about yourself.

I care about the environment, and am pretty sure television programming is getting worse with every season. America does not need seven different types of talent shows, fifteen crime shows, or Donald Trump.

I think ESPN is the worst thing that could happen to sports, and if you're not a blonde female journalist you will not be a sideline reporter. You might be picked up by FOX, but I also think FOX is the worst network in the world; followed closely by FOX News.

I am not a patient person, and I do not believe in being accommodating to people who I feel are going out of their way to be dumb.

What can you tell me about yourself?

I am overly confident, and am a strong independent female. I will scare you but you just have to get over it. I will tell people when I think they are wrong, or when they are not listening. I am a female but I am not stupid. Do not assume I am stupid.

I mispronounce words, and I occasionally stutter. I do not need you to point that out, and yes, I did just mispronounce southern.

Tell me about yourself.

I'm the best damn employee you'll ever have.

So, tell me about yourself.

I'm a 2009 college graduate with a degree in Business Administration and a major in Public Relations. I am well organized, and excel at multi tasking. I can work on up to four projects at once, and will meet the deadline. Every. Single. Time.

I am never late, unless you count being ten minutes early. I pay attention to details and produce quality work. I am social, I like talking to people and learning about them. I also believe that if they take time out of their day to talk to me, then they deserve my fully attention.
 
How could someone not want to hire me?