It has been thirty-one days since I've had a drink. #SoberSolidarity
It began with a friend, who will be known as FRIEND, who was sober for three years, after a night that landed FRIEND in the hospital to have stomach pumped and a cast placed on a broken leg. FRIEND has struggled in the last couple months, complete with a trip to the drunk tank on Halloween. So when I was asked if I would help FRIEND stay sober for a year I said yes.
FRIEND began getting back on track in November with the help of others, and I was asked to be sober the month of January. Sure, no problem. How hard could it be?
Not as hard as I thought, but still difficult.
Also, in December, I entered a weight loss bet with a friend. If we lost the weight, we would go on a warm, sunny trip for a weekend. I knew I was going to be sober for the month of January, and felt confident I could lose fifteen pounds.
I knew of the health benefits of cutting out alcohol, and everyone says
if you want to lose weight, cut out the drinking. I lost eight pounds
this month (twelve since we began this), I don't know if that is from not drinking, or a combination of that, and eating healthier,
and being more diligent in workouts.
Either way, I feel good.
We rang in 2015 on the roof of a friends' house, with drinks in hand. I finished mine, and from 12:30 a.m. January 1 and until Sunday (Feb. 1) I'm sober. I'm also not going to be popping open a drink at 12:01 a.m. on Feb. 1. Thankyouverymuch.
It was more difficult in ways I never thought, and easier in others.
Our house did not go dry for this month. Chris still drank a beer when cooking, or after work. I was moving beer bottles around in the fridge, and there was no temptation. We went to Whistler and the fridge was packed with beer, and the temptation wasn't bad.
What was bad, was being at a brewery, or out to dinner and ordering water when I saw the beer list. It was also hard to wait longer for my water when everyone already had their beer.
The month began and I was hit with my first temptation. The Cotton Bowl. Michigan State vs. Baylor. Michigan State was getting blown out, which I watched sober. Then State mounted the most amazing comeback which I watched sober.
The temptation was high, but I was okay with not having anything but water in front of me. It was harder the next day when we went to a friend's house for Chris's birthday and Chris and our friend, Charles, opened several bottles of delicious beer to split.
We went to Whistler, and the thought of not drinking with everyone was harder than not drinking with everyone. FRIEND told me I could drink while I was at Whistler, but I knew FRIEND
was struggling more than I was. After all, I had an end date, FRIEND has
no day knowing a beer can be opened.
I told FRIEND I would see this
through. And FRIEND stayed sober. Awesome. There were nine of us in the house, and once people knew I wasn't drinking they were cool with having a beer for me, which was dubbed a "Mo Beer."
Not a single person, who knew about me being sober, offered me anything with alcohol the entire month, and were pretty supportive.
And this is where I feel lucky. I could turn down a drink and say I'm #SoberSolidarity and people backed off. When FRIEND turned down a drink FRIEND said people would pressure, or would ask why FRIEND couldn't have only one. Which partly led to the relapse.
What I learned during this month, was how unhelpful, and rude people can be. I was at my writer's
critique group, and I announced I was twenty-one days sober. People were impressed, and said congratulations.
A friend asked if I was going to meetings, and I said I was only doing this for a month, and it was in solidarity for a friend. Another member of the group began mocking the idea of "for a friend, suuuure, suuuure," she said.
Even if I was going to AA, and needed a friend cover, because I didn't want people to know; I thought it was rude to mock. People don't have to be encouraging, it would be nice if they were, but not everyone is, so if you can't say "good job," SAY NOTHING.
I also learned how often the term Alcoholic was tossed about. Having a night of drinking more than you should, does not make you an alcoholic. Drinking one more than you should, does not make you an alcoholic.Having a beer or two every night, does not make you an alcoholic.
As FRIEND told me, FRIEND could not wait to get home and open the new twelve pack. FRIEND could not wait to get drunk, and would not stop until FRIEND was so drunk FRIEND could not make it from the couch to the bedroom.
People who drink and alcoholics are separated by the ability to stop. Alcoholics as FRIEND told me, will not stop until drunk, or passed out. FRIEND craved that moment of drunkenness where FRIEND did not care what other people thought and felt confident.
We were out the other night with friends, and a couple stories of people getting drunk were being told, and a person at the table kept repeating "That's because you're an alcoholic. That's because you're an alcoholic."
The person telling the story is not an alcoholic.
Just because a person has gotten drunk in their lives does not make them an alcoholic. According to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, IV, alcoholism is a progressive disease, symptoms and effects of drinking alcohol become increasingly more severe over time.
Alcohol abuse is when someone continues to drink even after it reaches a level that causes recurrent problems, like missing work, driving drunk, skipping things to drink, and continuing with the behavior even after being reprimanded, or given a DUI. "Continuing to
drink after it causes someone to miss work, drive drunk, shirk
responsibilities or get in trouble with the law is considered alcohol
abuse."
An alcoholic, or "Alcohol Dependent", can experience other symptoms, including neglect
of other activities, excessive use of alcohol, impaired control of
alcohol consumption, persistence of alcohol use, large amounts of time
spent in alcohol-related activities, withdrawal from others and a high tolerance
of alcohol.
It's a mental disorder, and the addiction to alcohol controls them. Meaning, they cannot have just one, because one leads to a lot, and poor decisions, and as FRIEND told me, those poor decisions either seem like good ones at the time, or give the feeling of it can be accomplished, no big deal.
FRIEND is doing well, FRIEND made it the entire month without a drink. It was a struggle, but FRIEND made it through. There were a lot of AA meetings attended, nights spent on other people's couches because FRIEND couldn't be alone in fear of drinking. But FRIEND is making it.And I'm incredibly proud of FRIEND.
