Let me begin by saying I love dogs. I will leave conversations to go pet a dog, and if one happens to be a puppy I have thrown myself onto the floor to snuggle with it. Yes, these are strangers' dogs. Yes, I am strange to the dogs. It's fine. It's fine.
I have always had dogs around. Either my parents have owned a dog or a family member has owned a dog. My first word was dog. Me and canines go way back.
So it is sad to say, I am declaring war on dogs. It breaks my heart, it really does.
So why am I declaring war on dogs?
Because I have neighbors who believe our yard is meant for their dog's use. Sure, there's grass there but that doesn't make it fair use for your dog. You have a toilet but you don't see me going over to your house and using it everytime. And if I did, I wouldn't flush, because it's the same thing you and your dog are doing.
Yes, I am aware that is a horrible argument. I am also aware I have possibly gone mental. It's fine. It's fine.
Because I have rude neighbors who think it is fun to throw balls into my yard for their dogs to retrieve, I am constantly picking up dog poop.
Chris and I live on a corner and about a three foot width of side yard between the sidewalk and privacy fence, and it is about fifteen feet long before it meets our front yard. It is in this 3x15ft stretch of yard that dogs love to drop giant deuces.
This is the main chore on why I never wanted a dog.
It was bad enough having to clean up after the puppy who pooped in her crate while we were gone during the day. My sister and I pushed and shoved the crate out the door and hosed it down with dish soap and a hose.
I found reasons to not have to pick up dog feces with a shovel when I was growing up. The main reason? I would puke upon the smell of dog poop. Guess what? That hasn't changed. Yup, one hole for my neighbors' dog poop and one hole for Mo's lunch.
It's awesome.
Talk to your neighbors you say. Oh, I have. One neighbor told me to ring their doorbell anytime there is poop and they'll pick it up. And guess what? They do. Way to be a nice responsible neighbor. You can have a cookie.
My other neighbor with a dog is the champion of saying, "F you" without saying it. She is also the champion of saying "F you" while she tells you she will make sure it doesn't happen. But guess what. Her dog is constantly using our yard as his toilet.
I have talked with her. I have begged her. I have called animal control on her. Apparently, Animal Control only cares if they dog is about to bite me while he poops. No, I told them, I am about to bite the dog. They advised against it.
Neighbors who live next door to Pooper and have since they all moved in when the houses were brand new (1975) have taken sympathy and have also talked to the woman who has been in the house since it was built about the poop. That hasn't worked.
Apparently, she is a nice woman. Apparently, she's had a tough life. Apparently, she is crazy. Apparently, she is a self centered woman who should still be in kindergarten learning what "STOP DOING THAT!" means.
The neighbors have told me to just put the poop back in her front yard. So I pick it all up and march it across the street and place it nicely in her yard. While I feel better, it isn't solving the problem.
Everytime I go outside while she is out with her dog she goes inside. I ring the doorbell and she doesn't answer. I have even gone out with the shovel and picked up poop while she's been outside and asked where she would like her dog's poop.
She ran inside.
Before we moved into the house our realtor advised we go and talk to the neighbors. I talked to a couple. They all told me how nice the neighbors are and how the neighborhood is great and safe. I asked about shady dealings like meth houses or pot labs. None.
There were no pedophiles and no crime.
You know what people don't talk about? Dogs pooping in other yards.
So now I am trying to figure out how I can keep the dog out of our yard. I can redo the landscaping and move trees to be close to the sidewalk. I can install a motion sensor sprinkler that squirts everything that walks by with water (I don't want to take out people running and walking by).
I can use old school recipes like baking soda and water. Or use coffee grounds (new or used) and sprinkle them on the yard. Or I can wait for the allegedly old dog to pass away from the giant tumor on his chest.
Seriously, I am open to suggestions. I really don't want to bite the dog.
