20 Days Until 30 Years

I had a super cute title: 30 days, 30 years. But, I didn't like the blog, so now I write this on my teeny-tiny phone keyboard in Munich.


Please forgive typos (more than normal) because my phone sucks)


Here's the "Diehl" I was going to write this super awesome blog with super awesome drawings I did this past summer for this post and other comics I've gathered for this (probably crappy) post, but it's not happening.


Instead, you're getting a raw post of a person closing on the "third life crisis" which is NOT a thing. Hell, half of us entering this crisis are still trying to pay off college.


But that's another post.


In twenty days I turn thirty.


do I feel older?


no.


the question nor the answer has changed since I remember.


BUT


I know no longer feel like I'm flying when I run. Instead, I feel every joint cry in pain.


I am no longer in awe of my elders for knowing every every answer, but am annoyed they do not answer how I want them to.


I still enjoy sunsets, but feel the pressure of another day passing without an accomplishment pressing on me.


"Running out of time"


Means more to me than ever before, thanks Hamilton.


When I was 10, I never felt older than nine, but 15 made me feel older than 10, just like 19 made me feel older than 13.


When I turned 20, I was so happy to no longer be a teenager. I do not know if turning 30 makes me feel happy to no longer be in my 20s.


I know my nights at the bar are not over.


I know my nights of eating takeout and watching Netflix are not over. What is over is the feeling of invincibility.


the feeling of:
Oh, might as well jump when met with a cliff.


(Sorry mom, but I jumped the many feet down while skiing, numerous times)


the feeling now, is where do I need to turn so I don't have to jump?


I don't avoid those obstacles more, I just know how to handle them. And if that's what being in the 30s means: doing stupid shit, but knowing how to get out of it alive; than I'm good for life.


I think I finally fifigure it out, maybe.


Do what you will, but survive the landing.


if I can stick the landing of turning 30, than I think I'll be able to see 31. 😊

How to Drive in Seattle

Seattle.

The home of Boeing and Amazon, Microsoft is a short (in miles) long (in time) from downtown.

It's become a melting pot of people from around the country and the world, the roads are constantly jammed with cars. So, for all you new people, welcome to Seattle, and follow this awesome driving advice I wish I was told when I moved here nearly seven years ago.

NEVER go the speed limit, as it is much too fast. You should go a couple miles per hour slower than the posted speed, five is preferred, but you can go ten under if you want to be a real overachiever.

Also, there is no difference between the right and left lanes. It is frowned upon to pass in the left lane, and you should match your speed with the person beside you. You also don't have to worry about getting up to speed on a freeway entrance. Entering as slow as possible is preferred, especially if there is a line of cars behind you. Coming to a complete stop on the entrance ramp is best.

You don't have to use those pesky devices which indicate a turn or merging. Just go about your day and everyone will avoid you.

Do whatever you want at a four way stop. It's the custom to let everyone go before you, but you can also skip the line and do what you want.

Seattle, unlike everywhere else in the world, experiences weather. When there is weather, it is encouraged for you to take your vehicle and ram it into the nearest object you can find. Bonus points are awarded if you ram your car into another car, during rush hour, on a two lane bridge.

You also never have to check to see if your car is in danger of hitting anyone else. Drive by feel is totally okay. Want to back your car into another car so you can try to maneuver through a parking lot? Go right ahead. The scratch will buff right out.

It is always rush hour, it's a thing Seattle is trying out. What you should do is park your car in an intersection of your choosing and don't attempt to move. Just sit there. Feel free to eat a sandwich.

If you can't park your car in an intersection, feel free to park in the right lane of any major street during rush hour. Don't even pull all the way to the curb, the middle of the lane is just fine.

And feel free to ignore every traffic sign, such as "Wrong Way" or "No Left Turns" you do you, you free spirit wonderful person, we'll figure it out.

Last, but not least, don't be shy about slamming on your brakes. Why tap them, when you can slam them, right? Especially, when someone is behind you. Then not only slam, but stay on the brakes for a bit, then proceed with extreme caution, but only when you're ready.

Now that you know how to drive in Seattle, have a wonderful drive everyone!

**EVERYTHING I SAY IN THIS PIECE IS SARCASTIC. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, PLEASE DO NOT DRIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!!**

The Magical Art of Being Screamed At to Tidy

My friend was telling me about a book that would help me tidy my house and keep it tidy. She said a friend was reading it and had a lot of bags of things to toss and donate.



Interesting.



Would I be interested?



I'd like to think my house is clean, and it is before people come over, and tends to stay more picked up in the winter when we're not packing and unpacking and dropping towels everywhere (I'm guilty of the towels)



The house kinda looks like a bear frat party came through, and only stopped partying when a tornado ripped through.



No matter how much I clean, the house looks like it was destroyed within three days.



Sure, I said. Let me borrow it.



I understand why people brag about their workouts and diets now.



People are talking about packing, or their houses and I'm the obnoxious person who suddenly knows EVERYTHING about tidying.



I've read 177 pages of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" and I'm more than happy to tell you how to tidy. But that's weird. So I'll try to keep it under control.



Anyway, I've already donated three bags of clothes, and Marie was right, I can feel my stuff relax now they're no longer crammed into drawers with things that don't bring me joy.



Keep things that make you happy, get rid of everything else, and thank them for doing their job and at one time giving you joy.



Okay, it's a weird book.



I may be more granola than I thought.



It also uses Japanese efficiency. That's pretty cool. It took someone ten days to nearly complete the KonMarie Method, I'm on day three, and progress is happening. Not as quickly as Marie probably wants it to happen, but I'm making progress.



I think.



Anyway, the method makes you grab ALL of your clothes into one place and go through them. There is no room to room nonsense, there is no room for "Maybe I'll keep this" No. Because when I think "Maybe I'll keep this" I have a scary Japanese woman yelling at me, as you can see below. (My friend sent me this video when I told her I felt like I was being screamed at. Terrifying.)







Okay, maybe she's not terrifying, but I have this voice in my head saying: Get Rid of It!



So I am.



I've moved onto books and papers, and being a writer I have a thousand plus one pieces of paper. Gone. Books? I've only kept the ones I LOVE, so that's easy. But now it gets a little difficult. Marie says I shouldn't nag my family to tidy because they'll resent me. And I shouldn't ask my family's permission to get rid of stuff I know they haven't used in forever.



I'm asking permission.



Anyway, I'm going through the book, and she says to thank your shoes for protecting your feet and your bag for carrying your things, and your jacket for keeping you warm, and then you put everything into its home.



I'm not sure if I'll be able to do that, but I'm enjoying the feeling of less stuff. I feel like the house is slowly getting bigger.



Warning: This book also makes you want to do some serious deep cleaning. Like cleaning out HVAC vents and moving furniture to clean.

Oh, Marie, what have you done to me?

Ohhh, more things to get rid of!

Advice to the Grads

In the last couple of weeks my Facebook and Twitter feeds have been filled with famous people giving advice to college grads.

Ten years ago I graduated high school, I'm trying to be a published author, and I operate a blog focusing on me trying to be the adult I thought I was supposed to be. You know, competent.

And because of this I'm extremely qualified to give a commence speech type thing:

To the high school graduates, Congratulations!

You've proven you can remember facts and figures and spit them out at a moment's notice, and you're capable of filling in bubbles with a number two pencil.

Forget all of that.

As of now, you're going to be graded and judged on what type of person you are, and what you can do for others and for yourself.

This is the time when you get to figure out what type of person you want to be. (Hint: If you're going to college you have a few more years to figure it out) And the choice is up to you, but remember the rest of the world will be judging you, so don't be a jerk.

Also, enjoy this summer with your friends. This will be the last summer where everything is as it was. Next summer friends may stay at school, have jobs, hang out with new friends, and be working. The jokes of senior year won't matter as much, and you'll all be changed, mostly for the good.

So, before you embark on your journey, enjoy the time with your friends and family. Have fun, cause shenanigans, don't get arrested.

Remember this time, capture the moments with friends (you don't have to use your cell) and go on adventures, have bonfires, hang out.

High school was not the best years of your life (unless you make it so), nor will college. A million things will happen between now and by the time you get the invite for your ten year class reunion (it comes faster than you think)

You will work hard for your goals and you may not reach them, but something better comes along you never thought would happen. Embrace it.

Things you never thought possible, or thought of at all, will happen, while things you've worked your hardest for may not.

There will be a time when you look around and wonder how you got where you are. It's entirely possible your life is unrecognizable from what you imagined.

I hope it works out so it's better than you thought possible.

And if not, there's Netflix.

You will fail. You will fail so hard you won't want to pick up the phone and talk to anyone. You will want to hide out and watch movies and eat pizza and wonder how the hell you got yourself into this mess.

And at that moment you have two options. Get up and work some more, or lie there and become a blob.

Don't be a blob. Be glad that you tried, be glad that you lived, and be glad you took the chance. And go do it all over again.

And for some of you, you may fail more than you succeed. So did a lot of people who have led the way in new technology, science, books, and acceptable pizza toppings.

It's okay to cry yourself to sleep after you've failed. And if you're a college student, you may find yourself just breaking into tears at three in the morning as you try to finish a project or paper.

It's okay. It happens.

At some point you're going to wish for an answer sheet. You're going to want to see what the future holds. You're going to want the answers for your exams. You're going to question your ability and why you are where you are.

You're going to feel lost and overwhelmed.

Ride it out.

Here's the secret I learned since graduating high school: No one knows what they're doing or why, or where they parked their car.

Welcome to the scary world of doubt.

The training wheels of life are officially off, and you're on your own to pedal. However you remain upright, do it. You may pedal differently than others, but if it works for you, do it.

You do you.

You will meet people who's lives appear perfect, and neatly mapped out for success, while you struggle working the soft serve ice cream machine (hint: turn the knob the other way) it's okay, everyone finds their way at some point. Sometimes, it takes a bit longer than others.

And if you're the one who has it all figured out, help the poor person who is starving for some ice cream.

Have fun and good luck!

31 Days Sober

It has been thirty-one days since I've had a drink. #SoberSolidarity

It began with a friend, who will be known as FRIEND, who was sober for three years, after a night that landed FRIEND in the hospital to have stomach pumped and a cast placed on a broken leg. FRIEND has struggled in the last couple months, complete with a trip to the drunk tank on Halloween. So when I was asked if I would help FRIEND stay sober for a year I said yes.

FRIEND began getting back on track in November with the help of others, and I was asked to be sober the month of January. Sure, no problem. How hard could it be?

Not as hard as I thought, but still difficult. 

Also, in December, I entered a weight loss bet with a friend. If we lost the weight, we would go on a warm, sunny trip for a weekend. I knew I was going to be sober for the month of January, and felt confident I could lose fifteen pounds.

I knew of the health benefits of cutting out alcohol, and everyone says if you want to lose weight, cut out the drinking. I lost eight pounds this month (twelve since we began this), I don't know if that is from not drinking, or a combination of that, and eating healthier, and being more diligent in workouts.

Either way, I feel good.

We rang in 2015 on the roof of a friends' house, with drinks in hand. I finished mine, and from 12:30 a.m. January 1 and until Sunday (Feb. 1) I'm sober. I'm also not going to be popping open a drink at 12:01 a.m. on Feb. 1. Thankyouverymuch.

It was more difficult in ways I never thought, and easier in others.

Our house did not go dry for this month. Chris still drank a beer when cooking, or after work. I was moving beer bottles around in the fridge, and there was no temptation. We went to Whistler and the fridge was packed with beer, and the temptation wasn't bad.

What was bad, was being at a brewery, or out to dinner and ordering water when I saw the beer list. It was also hard to wait longer for my water when everyone already had their beer.

The month began and I was hit with my first temptation. The Cotton Bowl. Michigan State vs. Baylor. Michigan State was getting blown out, which I watched sober. Then State mounted the most amazing comeback which I watched sober.


The temptation was high, but I was okay with not having anything but water in front of me. It was harder the next day when we went to a friend's house for Chris's birthday and Chris and our friend, Charles, opened several bottles of delicious beer to split.

We went to Whistler, and the thought of not drinking with everyone was harder than not drinking with everyone. FRIEND told me I could drink while I was at Whistler, but I knew FRIEND was struggling more than I was. After all, I had an end date, FRIEND has no day knowing a beer can be opened.

I told FRIEND I would see this through. And FRIEND stayed sober. Awesome. There were nine of us in the house, and once people knew I wasn't drinking they were cool with having a beer for me, which was dubbed a  "Mo Beer."

Not a single person, who knew about me being sober, offered me anything with alcohol the entire month, and were pretty supportive.



And this is where I feel lucky. I could turn down a drink and say I'm #SoberSolidarity and people backed off. When FRIEND turned down a drink FRIEND said people would pressure, or would ask why FRIEND couldn't have only one. Which partly led to the relapse.


What I learned during this month, was how unhelpful, and rude people can be. I was at my writer's
critique group, and I announced I was twenty-one days sober. People were impressed, and said congratulations.

A friend asked if I was going to meetings, and I said I was only doing this for a month, and it was in solidarity for a friend. Another member of the group began mocking the idea of "for a friend, suuuure, suuuure," she said.

Even if I was going to AA, and needed a friend cover, because I didn't want people to know; I thought it was rude to mock. People don't have to be encouraging, it would be nice if they were, but not everyone is, so if you can't say "good job," SAY NOTHING.

I also learned how often the term Alcoholic was tossed about. Having a night of drinking more than you should, does not make you an alcoholic. Drinking one more than you should, does not make you an alcoholic.Having a beer or two every night, does not make you an alcoholic.

As FRIEND told me, FRIEND could not wait to get home and open the new twelve pack. FRIEND could not wait to get drunk, and would not stop until FRIEND was so drunk FRIEND could not make it from the couch to the bedroom.

People who drink and alcoholics are separated by the ability to stop. Alcoholics as FRIEND told me, will not stop until drunk, or passed out. FRIEND craved that moment of drunkenness where FRIEND did not care what other people thought and felt confident. 

 We were out the other night with friends, and a couple stories of people getting drunk were being told, and a person at the table kept repeating "That's because you're an alcoholic. That's because you're an alcoholic."

The person telling the story is not an alcoholic.

Just because a person has gotten drunk in their lives does not make them an alcoholic. According to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, IV, alcoholism is a progressive disease, symptoms and effects of drinking alcohol become increasingly more severe over time.

Alcohol abuse is when someone continues to drink even after it reaches a level that causes recurrent problems, like missing work, driving drunk, skipping things to drink, and continuing with the behavior even after being reprimanded, or given a DUI. "Continuing to drink after it causes someone to miss work, drive drunk, shirk responsibilities or get in trouble with the law is considered alcohol abuse."

An alcoholic, or "Alcohol Dependent", can experience other symptoms, including neglect of other activities, excessive use of alcohol, impaired control of alcohol consumption, persistence of alcohol use, large amounts of time spent in alcohol-related activities, withdrawal from others and a high tolerance of alcohol.

It's a mental disorder, and the addiction to alcohol controls them. Meaning, they cannot have just one, because one leads to a lot, and poor decisions, and as FRIEND told me, those poor decisions either seem like good ones at the time, or give the feeling of it can be accomplished, no big deal.

FRIEND is doing well, FRIEND made it the entire month without a drink. It was a struggle, but FRIEND made it through. There were a lot of AA meetings attended, nights spent on other people's couches because FRIEND couldn't be alone in fear of drinking. But FRIEND is making it.And I'm incredibly proud of FRIEND.

Definition of Adulthood

 

A couple weeks ago Chris and I met up with friends for dinner, and I said I wasn't feeling this adulthood thing. My wonderful friends and husband listed a million reasons why adulthood is awesome, and as I eat my dinosaur chicken nuggets for breakfast, I'm agreeing with them.

The definition of adulthood:

Knowing how to remove a toilet, and trade out toilet seats. It is waking up in the morning and water is coming through places it should not be. It is scrolling through Facebook and "liking" pictures of my friends babies, when it was only a short time ago we were hanging out in bars.

It is watching DIY Network and HGTV, and being excited about the boring floors and trim. It is wanting to have movie nights more often than bar hopping, and conversations center around work than who is hooking up with who.



It is being less concerned about what people think of me and more what I think of myself. It is eating puppy chow for breakfast and all of my vegetables at dinner. It is cleaning the house, and sleeping until noon. It is bill paying, equity building, beer festivals, and super soaker fights.

Adulthood is fun, and exhausting, and not everything I thought it would, but I'm having a lot of fun.
 

The best and worst of adulthood

My seven year old self would be so proud of me this weekend.

Chris and I along with two friends went camping,  and with the fun camping brings, it also comes copious amounts of junk food and beer.

So, before there was actual breakfast, there were Oreos. And I high fived the child who would be so excited I wasn't a fuddy duddy.

And I am indeed eating what I want when I want, food pyramid of healthy eating be damned!

I then high fived myself and did an awesome dance and died from a sugar rush.

And then I paid for it dearly at the gym Monday morning. But that's okay; because my inner child isn't completely dead.

Which is a good thing, because for a while life threw way to much adult stuff my direction, and I was not okay with it. First I had to go through the car buying process, and then when that was finally under control, there was water in my ceiling light.

It started simply enough. My sister was over before we were to embark on a bike ride to several breweries and tasting rooms with our parents and family, when half way through her shower we noticed water in a ceiling light.

And as much as I enjoy fish tanks, I did not appreciate the one on the ceiling.

After calling five plumbing companies a couple days later (we had beer to drink) I taped the light switch and saved the problem for another day. Of the five companies called, three companies showed up.

Also, when stereotypes are confirmed I can't help but laugh. Plumber butt cracks are no joking manner, but hilarious!

The people from the company that will do the work, has total control of the butt crack situation, and I am forever grateful.

Anyway, plumbers come to try and figure out where water is coming from.

And one plumber is staring at the ceiling of the main floor pointing out water damage EVERYWHERE. Dude, we have textured ceilings and walls. Not every bump is water damage.

And then he says, I need to cut a couple holes here, here, and here (all are very far from where the water made an appearance).

And I'm like:

There is a hole, one hole, a small square hole close to the light where the water was hanging out. The leak was spotted, work will be done to fix the water, but it is on me to fix the hole in the ceiling.

Everyone, begin chewing bubble gum!

So, now on Tuesday the plumber is here, and it smells like he lit several gerbils on fire as he used fire to repair several of the busted, broken, pipes which were leaking water EVERYWHERE!

But now I have a couple holes.

And I wanted to redo my bathroom (the one that now has a hole) so this might be a good time to do so. Or I can just put the tiles back on the wall and call it good, but that doesn't seem quite so fun. Oh, the decisions.

I'll go eat an Oreo and make a decision...