When I was home, in Michigan, over Thanksgiving, I was told I needed to send out Christmas cards. I pride myself in not having "Christmas Card Friends." You know who they are. The people you only talk to through Christmas cards.
Thank you Facebook.
I figured I could do my part and keep the post office in business for another week or so; and prepared 57 Christmas cards. No, I take that back. I prepared 57 Christmas envelopes and 54 Christmas cards. Yeah, three people only got an envelope. Oops! Sorry.
Well, and one family only got a piece of paper with, "Hello!" written on it.
I may rock out thank you notes, but I drive the struggle bus when it comes to Christmas cards.
I didn't realize how much extra stuff went into Christmas when I was little. It was pretty easy, open the advent calender, eat the chocolate, count down the days until Santa comes and then open presents.
Right, well, I still count down the days until Santa arrives; but now I have to go Christmas shopping, make cookies, decorate the apartment, wrap presents, ship presents, find the stockings, track down the UPS and FedEx delivery people, find someone to wrap my presents (Thank you Meghan W!) and figure out how to get snow!
It's a very stressful time. Thankfully, there is enough sugar sitting around that this isn't as stressful as one would think. I'm living on the Elf diet, observing the four main food groups: Candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup!
The sugar crash is not pretty.
My wrapping skills are also not pretty. After the second present I wrapped I ran out of Scotch tape. No worries, like everyone we have another roll or seven lying around. We don't. So, instead of going to the store (I refuse to go unless I have to around Christmas) I found packaging tape and wrapped the presents with that.
My wrapping skills are pretty horrible. I mean they are so horrible little kids make fun of it. I don't know how people are able to put crisp edges and have the paper lay smooth on the box. My wrapping job looks like it went seven rounds with Mike Tyson.
The edges are torn, air pockets are all over the place, the paper never matches up the way it did before I cut it, and the tape sticks to the wrong part of the paper. You can definitely tell I am not employed in the wrapping section in Santa's Workshop.
I can see Martha Stewart shaking her head in disgust looking at the presents I wrapped. She's also shaking her head at my lack of baking.
Here's the deal. I don't enjoy making cookies. I find it to be out of control painful. We used to bake and decorate cookies when I was little. I liked decorating them and I liked eating them.
When my sister and I were in high school she had friends over and they baked cookies. I would join in, and was quickly yelled at for whatever cookie faux pas I committed. My sister was a tad stressed, so it was usually me mixing something on low instead of medium or putting in to many chocolate chips into the chocolate chip cookies. I ask, how can you have to many chocolate chips? That's right. You can't.
I also don't have the patience to make them and I hate the mess you have to clean up. The oven scares me and I'm not a big cookie eater. I give all my cookies to Cookie Monster. I'm sharing.
I have a friend who is really into baking, like she puts people on those cooking shows to shame. To shame.
She has everyone over to make ginger bread houses. Simple enough. I can handle building a house made out of gingerbread. Mostly, I can handle eating the candy. Again, I hear Martha screaming at me about eating the props for making a house.
In addition to making houses, my friend suggested we all bring cookies and do a cookie swap.
Oh no!
One, I can't bake. Two, I have to make cookies? Just call the Fire Department and have them sit in my living room.
I may not be Cookie Monster, but I am a Puppy-Chow hound. I can eat that stuff all day long.
For those of you unfamiliar with it, it's chocolate chips, peanut butter and powdered sugar covering Crispix. The lame people call it Muddy-Buddies.
Anyway, if I'm going to make something for a cookie exchange I can handle Puppy-Chow. Again, Martha is shaking her head trying not to smack me in the head as I use the microwave to "bake."
Yeah, well guess what Martha, everyone loves Puppy-Chow. Suck on that you pine cone decorating..... Oh, man. I might need to see someone about me having a fight with Martha in my head.
Anyway, Chris and I are doing Christmas the best we can. It might not be perfect, but we have not burned down the apartment.
Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and a Happy New Year!
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