Writing, Why I do it.

The first thing you learn about in life? Disappointment.

Disappointment is inevitable. It begins when your best friend is not home when you want to play. The toy in the cereal box is lame or your sibling got it first. The claw game took all your quarters, and you have nothing to show for it. The guy (or girl) you had a crush on doesn't like you, and the PF Flyers do not make you run faster or jump higher. You don't get into the college you wanted, you didn't get the job you hoped for, and your sports team just lost.

It stings more when that person is there to rub it in.

We all know that person. That person is the one that makes fun of your team for losing, or running around the arcade with the very awesome prize from the claw machine. It's that person who can run faster and jump higher when wearing PF Flyers. It's also the person that takes joy in your failures. Or will constantly complain about something.

Life is full of that person.

I had a teacher who was that person. I used to be friends with that person. Once in high school, and because I did not learn my lesson the first time, also in college. In the real world, that person is everywhere. It can be a coworker, a neighbor, anyone. I'm lucky enough that I, currently, do not have that person in my life. However, I hear their voices, smirking at my most recent failures.

These are the people I can't wait to rub their noses in my success. That's so beyond unhealthy.

So how to handle the failures of life?

I'm not an expert in this. I am like the worst person in the world at handling disappointment. I know I am trying to break into a field where disappointment is at every turn, and success is basically non-existent. So why am I doing this to myself? Why set myself up for disappointment?

I'm starting to think I enjoy it. I have a shoe box filled with letters basically telling me I am the worst writer to walk the planet. I argue the agents did not read Stephanie Meyer who brought us Tw(I can't bring myself to write the series name in my blog).

All joking aside, it's not easy to be a writer. On any given day you will find me slaving away at my computer; fighting with sentences, words, punctuation, and the English language. All for it to end with a letter telling me I'm not what they're looking for. Those are the nicely phrased ones. These letters have been dubbed the "You suck letters."

With every rejection there is that person asking if I have a job, asking why I even want to be a writer, since it seems soooo horrible. (Words with extended vowels are so in right now.)  

It is horrible. But it's also this thing I love to do. I have stories to tell. I hear voices in my head of characters. My husband thinks I'm nuts, because I've answered them. I also make some weird hand or head gesture, as I hold a conversation in my head between two or three people I do not know.

Apparently, this is a common occurrence with writers. Stephen King has admitted it.I was really hoping more stable authors had revealed this. Luckily, others have.

There is a story that I need to tell, and I will tell it.

It may not be the healthiest thing in the world, setting yourself up for disappointment. It messes with you.

On some days I do think I'm the world's worst writer. Other days, I am convinced I'm on my way to a Pulitzer. I'm apparently as moody and crazy as some well established authors. It's nice to know I'll have good company on the crazy train.

So why do I do it? I guess it's because there is nothing else I would rather do.