This does not mean that I like spiders or am enthusiastic about killing spiders, especially the spiders of the northwest, who I am pretty sure belong to a gym, and take steroids or SGH (spider growth hormones).
Daddy Long Legs, and the small spiders in the Midwest I'm fine with. So fine with them that killing them with a Kleenex is not enough to make me want to gag.
Insert the SGH doping spiders of the northwest that build webs that extent the length of our patio, can be seen from across the street, and leave bites that last for up to a month, as evidenced by my friend's leg.
The spiders out here, cannot be killed with a wimpy three ply Kleenex. Oh, no. Out here, shoes have a hard time destroying the spiders that have invaded my apartment.
On Saturday night, Chris and I were hanging out in the living room after we got home from a friend's house. I was lying on the futon, when a large moving object caught my eye. I, living up to every stereotype of a female seeing a spider, screamed.
Chris looked over at me, trying to figure out what I could possibly be screaming about at 1 a.m.
"There is a giant spider under your chair," I told him.
He looked on the floor, and agreed that it was a very large spider. Probably the size of my palm, and weighing in at a zillion ounces, he stared me down with his beady eyes.
Chris got up to kill it, knowing that this spider's size exceeded the maximum spider size I am willing to feel squish in my hand.
I offered up one of my shoes to kill the bad boy, and Chris gratefully excepted. You know the spider is large when Chris agrees to using a shoe to kill it.
Three whacks, that's right. Three whacks with a shoe before the spider finally succumbed to its fate.
There is only one type of poisonous spider in Washington, that scientists are aware of, and it's located east of the mountains.
However, the Hobo spider is alive and well in the Seattle area. Actually, our mostly cool wet climate is perfect for these guys to grow to epic proportions!
Hobo spiders are not poisonous, but if they bite you, you will itch, and you will have marks that looks like a vampire came after you. I know vampires are very in right now, and the bites will do wonders for your social life, especially if you give the fake vampire a sexy name, and say he has a sixteen pack.
So how to deal with this new breed of spider that is almost as large as the Arizona, Nevada tarantulas? I would say move to a region without giant spiders, but that's a tad overboard.
So I am now researching the Hobo Spider.
That is the spider that decided to visit us. That is the spider I am now convinced is living under the bed, waiting for me to sleep so it can crawl into my mouth and become one of those mythical eight spiders I will swallow this year. (Insert shiver)
When I was little I was told having a glass of water by the bed attracts spiders. Chris looked at me like I was nuts when I told him this many years ago. It's in fact not water that attracts spiders, but their natural curiosity.
And a warm room, with comfy carpet, and the flat screen TV probably also plays a part in luring the spider into the house.
So how do I keep this guy's friend from visiting? Apparently, lemon juice. I don't know if this will work, and I don't want to attract ants, so I might just take the wait and see approach.
Until then, I am armed with shoes, bats, and a reaching stick, so I can kill the giant from across the room.
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