Speed of Mo

I'm a stuttering, stumbling, spastic mess. And that's when I'm sober! I try to move and speak faster than my mind and limbs can keep up. I'm on the go, and I have a mission in life! I'm just not sure what it is at the moment, but by golly, I'm going to figure it out, and fast!

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Need something in the grocery store? I take the phrase "run in quickly" seriously. I sprint through that grocery store. Unfortunately, no one else is sprinting, or dodging carts. Note to grocery cart manufacturers: turn signals on carts could decrease cart crashes by 90%.

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I collide with people, or am constantly tailgating people who are taking their time. Very sad, when no one is moving at my speed. It's also sad, when I find the flow of New York City is not moving or speaking fast enough for me.

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So if New York isn't moving fast enough, you can only imagine how slow I find Seattle.

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In a city with its residents unable to go a day without seven cups of coffee with eight shots of espresso per cup, everyone moves beyond slow.

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The speed limit alone is slow, 60 mph. And let me tell you, on a day you hit 60 mph you want to throw your hands up in the air and say "yay-o!"

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In a normal city, with normal rules Michigan the left lane moves about 10-15 miles an hour faster than the posted speed limit.

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Here? You're excited if the left lane is going the same speed as the right lane. Yeah, that's right, all four lanes can be going the same speed. Have you seen four cars next to each other on the freeway? Ever?! It's kind of impressive if you think about it.

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I don't understand. Maybe I'm beyond insane assuming people have a place to be, and might be in a hurry to get there. I know the trip is as important as the destination, but sometimes the destination wins out.

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The destination especially wins out, when you arrive alive! And let me tell you, there are times when I don't think that's going to happen. My business idea? A brake shop with a coffee stand attached. You would be surprised how many people feel it's needed to slam on the brakes to slow down, instead of either coasting or tapping the brakes. It's very scary on our freeways.

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Although, having to break does imply at one point you were moving. Just not fast enough for my high standards.

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I should learn how to operate a helicopter.