Fire!

Dear Sir/madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire. (Context can be found here: IT Crowd Season 1, Episode 2)

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You will not find me reading cook books, or experimenting with recipes, or watching the food network, or spending my weekends making cakes. To my credit I do know where the fire extinguisher is, and I've never had to use it. Shocking, really.

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The stove, the oven mitt, the box, and the grill, the grill shouldn't count since you have to set it on fire to cook. So we'll just say, expect the flames to grow a bit when you open the lid. Also, when you smell gas, you'll get a slightly larger flame. I chalk this one up to a learning experience.

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I could probably chalk all the fires to learning experiences, but I knew better with two of them. I had a friend over to watch the Red Wings, and decided Coney Dogs were in order. Smoke began to come out from the bottom of the pan. Where there is smoke, there is fire. I removed the pan, causing a quick pop sound, and a small birthday candle sized flame.

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My friend and I stared at it for a moment.

"Should I get a lid? or...." I ask.

My friend just blew it out. The source of fire? Food from a previous meal had fallen below the electric burner.

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You're probably wondering how I managed to set an oven mitt on fire. They are designed to handle high heats, and disasters in the oven. Surprisingly, it wasn't the oven that started the fire of the mitt it belongs to. I get along well with the oven, we're great friends. It's the stove that has attitude.

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For the record, the oven mitt is fine. It's probably stronger after the ordeal, just don't try to hang it up on a hook in the kitchen, for that loop has been melted. A touch of water put out the fire, if you could call it that. The flame made birthday candles seem intimidating. When using the stove it is important to make sure everything is at least 10 feet away from the burner.

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Is there a list of cardboard box abusers? If there is I should probably register. Although, I have found a different element to destroy the boxes. I may not be a pro at cooking, but I am a pro at opening a box and adding water. Luckily, I did add water after I managed to knock over the box (no, I was not adhearing to my 10 foot rule) and it landed on the burner. There was a lot of smoke, charring, and there was a flame, but it was so small Smokey the Bear wouldn't have cared. Sorry, he probably would have. He's a bit strict about fire, no matter how small.

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The cooking skills are improving, and while some serious chefs may stress out about the quality of meals, I'm okay with my plan B of ordering pizza.