Because I used physics and algebra I can't lift my arms, my wrists are scratched to the point people think I should be on suicidal watch, my legs are scratched and bruised. I look and feel like I fought a bear.
Yeah, kids, watch out. Algebra and Physics can injure, maim, or kill you.
When, in fact, all I did was build a foot and a half retaining wall. That's it.
I'd hate to find out how it feels to fight a real bear.
We spent our Memorial Weekend digging, dragging, kicking, carrying, and hauling building supplies to build our retaining wall. We began early and ended late, often with us passing out on the couch at 9:30 pm, and me not eating dinner because I was to sore to move, and making an PBJ sandwich was more effort than I wanted to spend.
Everything from my toes to my ears hurt.
Anyway, the backyard is in phase 1 of about 894,850,329,274,930,927,834,973. I really wish I was exaggerating.
Here is what's been done.
The east wall, Before. Actually, all those cement brick things were in the ground. People prior to us must have gotten an amazing deal on them, because they are everywhere in our yard.
East wall After. Feel free to "ooohhhh," and "aaaaawwwww."
West wall before.
West wall after.
Impressive. Yes? Yes.
But this was the warm up act.
Our yard a second tier because a long time ago someone thought it was a good idea. The other good idea they had was to use railroad ties.
Here's the thing about railroad ties. They are first used by railroad companies and then when they are deemed to worn for train use they sell them off to people to use. These are our railroad ties:
Please note how the railroad ties are falling apart. They were not in great shape when we moved in last year, and after we removed our trees and had giant logs fall on them, they are in worse shape. They are also rotting and are being eaten by bugs.
Time to come out!
I found the brick/stone thing I liked and ordered it. No major story there, I figured it out without any real issue, shocking, I know. Two days after ordering the brick/stones, they arrived. Four pallets of 45 brick/stones individually weighing 60 pounds.
The thought process was it would take less trips and brick/stones to complete our wall.
I forgot to factor in how much it sucks carrying 60 pounds.
The husband, Chris, was not happy I chose the heaviest brick/stone I could find. Especially since he and his lead-bossman were in shock these brick/stones could weigh 43 pounds. Lead-bossman and his wife are also building a wall, but with wimpy 20 pound brick/stones. Chris wanted their brick/stones.
Anyway. The brick/stones arrived on Friday (5/24) afternoon as I was waking from a syrup coma.
Time to go to work.
Chris was at work, so I began doing what any normal person would do. I began moving the railroad ties.
Most of them were so rotten they were pretty easy to move. The ones I couldn't lift by hand, I lifted with a shovel, using it as a lever. Physics.
By the time Chris came home from work I had dug a pretty impressive trench. Not World War I impressive or anything, but impressive enough.
I also understand why trench war fare did not last. It's exhausting digging only eight inches into the ground, I can't imagine digging five feet.
The trench was dug, and three large roots were located. One root was larger than my leg.
Hey, honey how was work?
Good. Grab an ax.
And he did.
He became very attached to that ax. He was definitely channeling Paul Bunyan, the great lumberjack of Michigan, by the end of the project.
Look! we made a trench! All pretty and ready for the brick/stones.
Our first brick/stone. All level and looking good. It came out the next morning and wasn't considered permanent until day three after it had been removed seven times.
We began removing the railroad ties Saturday afternoon, after Chris dug and axed out several large roots. Luckily, our friend Richard who is the lead-bossman came over to help lift some railroad ties. Again, someone had the great idea of using rebar to hold them together. It only made the process slightly more difficult.
And we dug. And we trenched. And we removed railroad ties. And this is what greeted us at the end of day two. Three cement fence posts and our sprinkling system. Morale was very low at this point. I was on the Internet that night trying to find someone to finish this for us.
Onward!
No joke, I left for ten minutes and Chris busted through the three cement posts. He was very proud of himself.
The cement posts were out, and I began laying stone/brick while Chris worked on the sprinkling system. He dug a very impressive hole to redirect the sprinklers. He did a very good job, the sprinklers work.
He dug and glued and played with PVC, which I have decided is the grownup version of Legos, while I continued building a wall.
Close up! Look how pretty the brick/stone is! I did like this brick/stone, one of the reasons I chose it. I had to keep reminding myself I liked the brick/stone as I carried it through the yard.
I forgot the rule of pi. Anytime you have a project you must multiply the estimated days by pi, and you will get your total number of days it will take you to finish.
Six days it took to build our wall. Six days and almost 20,000 pounds were lifted, carried, dragged, and cursed at. But we do good work.
See for yourself.
Now I'm just waiting for the junk people to come and take our railroad ties away, and we are completely done with step one!
Time to party!
No, wait. Never mind. The yard isn't totally done yet, but when it is? Oh, there will be a party!
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